I was about 7 years old and my chore was to sweep the concrete paths, all the way from the driveway to the side gate and from the back gate to the house.
The paths seemed very long as I was comparatively small. To me it seemed such a pointless exercise and I was doing it slowly and unenthusiastically.
My mother, noticing that I was taking too long, came to reprimand me. I was not giving her my full attention.
We lived on the family orchard.The house was on a large block in Minchins Road, Ardmona.
I noticed that a swagman was walking along the road and I was thinking how good it would be to just go wherever I wanted to go and not have to sweep concrete paths that I don’t think need sweeping. Lesley, my mother, noticed that I was looking at the swagman and said “you wouldn’t like to be like him would you!”
I paused for a moment and I said “Actually I would like to be like him.”
Lesley was furious. She valued diligent work and abhorred indolence.
She firmly demanded “Walk over to the pole.”
She followed me and commanded “Lean over!”
I heard and felt each stroke of the garden hose.
Then I started feeling the pain.
I dropped to the ground and started crying.
I had learned to never say what I really thought!
Nearly 30 years later Claudine moved into my house. I had not at that stage unlearned that lesson.
Claudine became pregnant but she did not want to have a child. I was not going to support her in her having an abortion. If she wanted that, I considered that it was up to her to get it done.
It was horrendous for her as I was still unwilling to say what I thought and felt.
Claudine decided to give up the child at birth instead of having an abortion. The birth was an amazing experience for me.
At the Hawthorn birthing centre with the midwife and the rebirther. Doctor Bruce Sutherland was on hand and it was a beautiful water birth.
However instead of coming into a loving family home, there was the partially renovated house on busy Burnley Street in Richmond, an inner Melbourne suburb.
I was not communicating much with Claudine. I stopped earning sufficient income and our daughter suffered. Claudine’s family stepped in and looked after the child instead of giving the child away. They wanted the child to live with her parents.
Our daughter didn’t feel safe at home. I had still not unlearned that lesson from 30 years before so there was insufficient communication to sustain a relationship.
Yet I looked good in front of my family and friends.
I worked hard and Claudine was judged for the way she spent her money. They didn’t notice that I was attempting to dictate how we should allocate our money instead of co-operating with her in creating a financial plan.
It cost us very dearly, physically, emotionally and financially. It cost our daughter her childhood and it is still impacts her and her son to this day.